Why So Many of Us Struggle to Name What We’re Feeling as new mom’s
(Including That Familiar Sense of “Not Feeling Like Myself”)
If I asked you to pause for a moment and name what you’re feeling right now, what words come up?
For many people, the answer is something like fine, tired, stressed, or maybe overwhelmed. And for a lot of new mothers, there’s another phrase that comes up again and again:
“I just don’t feel like myself.”
I hear this almost daily in my work. It’s often said quietly, sometimes with guilt, sometimes with fear, as if not feeling like yourself means something has gone wrong. But more often than not, it’s simply the body and nervous system telling the truth about a massive life transition.
You’re not broken. You’re in change.
Brené Brown shares that when thousands of adults were asked to name the emotions they could recognize while they were experiencing them, the average number was just three. Most people could reliably identify happy, sad, and angry.
Three emotions for a whole human experience…
So when a new mom says, “I don’t feel like myself,” it’s often because there isn’t language yet for what’s actually happening underneath.
“Not Feeling Like Myself” Is Often Emotional Overload Without Language
Motherhood rearranges everything including your body, your identity, your relationships, your sense of time. And yet culturally, we’re often expected to slide into this new role with grace and gratitude, as if the self we were before should seamlessly carry over.
When that doesn’t happen, many women assume they’re failing.
But “not feeling like myself” is rarely a diagnosis. It’s usually a signal.
Underneath that feeling might be:
Grief for your pre-baby autonomy
Sadness about parts of yourself that feel distant
Fear about who you’re becoming
Anger about invisible labor or lack of support
Loneliness in a season that’s supposed to feel full
When all of those experiences get compressed into a vague sense of unease, the nervous system does the best it can: it goes numb, anxious, or detached.
Naming Feelings Brings You Back to Yourself
One of the most compassionate things we can do in moments of disconnection is to slow down and ask, “What am I actually feeling, beneath the story that I should be fine?”
This isn’t about fixing or rushing yourself back to who you were before. It’s about getting curious about who you are now.
When we can name emotions with more precision, not just “overwhelmed,” but exhausted and lonely; not just “anxious,” but afraid of getting it wrong — something begins to soften. The fog lifts just enough to feel grounded again.
You don’t become your old self.
You begin to feel more at home in the new one.
An Invitation to Feel Supported, Not Fixed
This is exactly why I’m offering a free workshop at The Bunny Hive in Hoboken:
Letting Go of the “Perfect Mom” Story
🗓 January 10th
⏰ 12:00 PM
📍 The Bunny Hive, Hoboken, NJ
This hour isn’t about snapping back, staying positive, or becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about creating space to explore what’s underneath that feeling of “I don’t feel like myself” — without judgment.
Together, we’ll gently explore:
Why emotional numbness or disconnection is so common in motherhood
How cultural pressure shapes the stories we tell ourselves
Why naming feelings reduces shame and self-criticism
Simple ways to reconnect with yourself, even in small moments
Babies are welcome. You don’t need to prepare. You don’t need the right words when you arrive.
A Closing Reminder
Not feeling like yourself doesn’t mean you’re lost.
It often means you’re in the middle of becoming.
You don’t need to be a perfect mom.
You don’t need to rush your way back to who you were.
You deserve time, language, and support as you find your way forward.
If this resonates, I’d love to see you on January 10th. And if you know a mom who keeps saying, “I just don’t feel like myself,” this space might be for her too.
With warmth,
Bridget
